Current Mood: Mixed
If mine was a blog that had one of those mood indicators on the side bar, then my side bar would be full of things with funny faces. Because I am in an odd mood.
Claustrophobic: I am feeling like the suburban houses are closing in on me. I'm feeling a real need for space. I'm being smothered in family love and yes yes I know I should rejoice, the concern is getting to me as I know need to watch what I say in case it all gets taken literally. I'm not used to people asking what's in my bags or what I am doing. I need some really vast horizon and natural light. I'm contemplating getting on a train to Coolgardie. Yes, that desperate.
Tense: I think this is related to the above. I need to shake it off quick. I need to be a supportive bridesmaid, something I am not too good at (always the bride, never the bridesmaid!) and I need to be able to hit the ground running in London. London, places to stay, people to meet, plans to make, things to do, to do lists, lots to do.... tense could be from the combined and conflicting needs to do a lot of stuff in my remaining time in Perth and the need to just chill...
Grieving: I need to get it out, all out. Like the three days spent wandering Espoo's islands after David's death I need more of the same to come to terms with everthing from 2005 - December will not be a month for contemplation. I need to let go of The Finn. I need to stop calling and knowing it's been set to silence, or hearing the change in tone when the call is rejected. I need to stop texting, thinking, hoping and dreaming. I need to stop letting ghosts haunt me and instead let memories make me smile.
Tired: There is something I have realised is missing from this year that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Last year, I did three times as many events; this year I am more tired. I was lucky last year to have two great people who understood not just the sport, but also the effort involved and so food appeared, clothes were washed, bags were dragged from the hallways and I was generally cared for. I realised this year, after only four events, I have dragged myself through the aftermath alone (Turkey, hospitalisation, returning to Finland alone; Japan, straight to Aus; Aus, wondering lost; Finland, getting dumped). No wonder I am tired. Perhaps I should get a PA?!
Of course amongst all this is the overwhelming good moods:
Elevator dancing - still at high although limited due to lack of elevators and energy.
Nervous tension - synonymous with making new (male) friends and that butterfly in the stomach feeling (my butterflies have elephant feet).
Diva power - all time high now that Kati and Nina and I have managed to share at least half an hour awake in the right time zones. I can't wait to get back. I soooo need to wiggle. Maybe I'll do it the whole way through Finnish customs!
Claustrophobic: I am feeling like the suburban houses are closing in on me. I'm feeling a real need for space. I'm being smothered in family love and yes yes I know I should rejoice, the concern is getting to me as I know need to watch what I say in case it all gets taken literally. I'm not used to people asking what's in my bags or what I am doing. I need some really vast horizon and natural light. I'm contemplating getting on a train to Coolgardie. Yes, that desperate.
Tense: I think this is related to the above. I need to shake it off quick. I need to be a supportive bridesmaid, something I am not too good at (always the bride, never the bridesmaid!) and I need to be able to hit the ground running in London. London, places to stay, people to meet, plans to make, things to do, to do lists, lots to do.... tense could be from the combined and conflicting needs to do a lot of stuff in my remaining time in Perth and the need to just chill...
Grieving: I need to get it out, all out. Like the three days spent wandering Espoo's islands after David's death I need more of the same to come to terms with everthing from 2005 - December will not be a month for contemplation. I need to let go of The Finn. I need to stop calling and knowing it's been set to silence, or hearing the change in tone when the call is rejected. I need to stop texting, thinking, hoping and dreaming. I need to stop letting ghosts haunt me and instead let memories make me smile.
Tired: There is something I have realised is missing from this year that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Last year, I did three times as many events; this year I am more tired. I was lucky last year to have two great people who understood not just the sport, but also the effort involved and so food appeared, clothes were washed, bags were dragged from the hallways and I was generally cared for. I realised this year, after only four events, I have dragged myself through the aftermath alone (Turkey, hospitalisation, returning to Finland alone; Japan, straight to Aus; Aus, wondering lost; Finland, getting dumped). No wonder I am tired. Perhaps I should get a PA?!
Of course amongst all this is the overwhelming good moods:
Elevator dancing - still at high although limited due to lack of elevators and energy.
Nervous tension - synonymous with making new (male) friends and that butterfly in the stomach feeling (my butterflies have elephant feet).
Diva power - all time high now that Kati and Nina and I have managed to share at least half an hour awake in the right time zones. I can't wait to get back. I soooo need to wiggle. Maybe I'll do it the whole way through Finnish customs!
posted by Rowena at 12:17 pm
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