I'm in the mood for love

I miss being in love.

I particularly miss it in the mornings, in those lazy ten minutes you give yourself between the alarm going off and actually getting out of bed. Those ten minutes when you are warm and comfortable and thinking about how good the day ahead is and how great the person you love is. I am new to being out of love, so I still feel the gap in those ten minutes, cold like the air outside the bed I must inevitably embrace.

I see things in shops, photos in scenes, words in books, and I go to take and capture them for people who are not there, who are long gone, to whom I am nothing.

I go wet eyed and gooey, make sighing and ahhing noises in romantic movies. I long for happy endings. Boys meets girl, gets girl. Old people dating and falling in love is my particular weakness.

I am not appropriate for dating. I am full of brutal honesty that strips out any romance, shocks the soft nerves of anyone less brittle, less time wasting, less needy than I. I want to go directly to love, collect $200, no slow dice throwing game of chance for me.

I contemplate, my first of life's "what ifs". What if I asked for forgiveness, what if I went back to where I was last loved, where I am still loved, if I am still loved. What if I tried to turn back the clock several years, tried to erase from memories my current history, my past wrongdoings. Would it work or would I find the door slammed in my face? Or worse still, would I find the return too welcoming, too loving and realise again that I am a "wild thing" that should not be loved...

Am I, like Holly Golightly, about to run into the street, searching trashcans, "We did belong to each other."?