Where indeed am I today and Who am I today?
I am slipping into Perth-induced coma.
I don't know where my weekend went. I have forgotten my social skills and how to personally interact with people. I am watching television. I am lost.
This has probably been the hardest trip home. The longest time I will spend here and the most I have ever wanted to spend at my real home.
Realising you have no one to call to go out for a coffee with is quite lonely. I talk to the cat in Finnish, if you consider saying "mita kissa?" a conversation.
Sometimes it's great to be with my parents; yesterday my mother and I really had a conversation. Sometimes it's painful. Either way I still appreciate it. But it's certainly emotional.
I am finding old ghosts. The Finns haunts me everywhere in this city.
I miss everyone in Finland so much. In every body of water I see a Finnish lake. I found and developed an old roll of film and the cottage at Kuusamo teases me from the cubicle wall of my office.
My office. I work from home in tracksuits. Now I am an alien in alien's clothing sitting in a cubicle. Today I couldn't get dressed. My mother saw my frustration, told me to just wear jeans and be myself for a day. Even still, a stiff Country Road shirt sits awkwardly and pulls at my hair.
I need to sit down and rediscover the art of letter writing and write to you all and remind myself who I am when I am not in this city, bewildered and lost, who I am in my jeans and not some corporate branded shirt, who I am without three mobile phones, a walkie talkie and a string of magnetic ID passes (please... !).
I don't know where my weekend went. I have forgotten my social skills and how to personally interact with people. I am watching television. I am lost.
This has probably been the hardest trip home. The longest time I will spend here and the most I have ever wanted to spend at my real home.
Realising you have no one to call to go out for a coffee with is quite lonely. I talk to the cat in Finnish, if you consider saying "mita kissa?" a conversation.
Sometimes it's great to be with my parents; yesterday my mother and I really had a conversation. Sometimes it's painful. Either way I still appreciate it. But it's certainly emotional.
I am finding old ghosts. The Finns haunts me everywhere in this city.
I miss everyone in Finland so much. In every body of water I see a Finnish lake. I found and developed an old roll of film and the cottage at Kuusamo teases me from the cubicle wall of my office.
My office. I work from home in tracksuits. Now I am an alien in alien's clothing sitting in a cubicle. Today I couldn't get dressed. My mother saw my frustration, told me to just wear jeans and be myself for a day. Even still, a stiff Country Road shirt sits awkwardly and pulls at my hair.
I need to sit down and rediscover the art of letter writing and write to you all and remind myself who I am when I am not in this city, bewildered and lost, who I am in my jeans and not some corporate branded shirt, who I am without three mobile phones, a walkie talkie and a string of magnetic ID passes (please... !).
posted by Rowena at 3:48 am
1 comments
1 Comments:
Eh, I have the same problem too whenever I'm visiting family in Singapore. It's what Finland does to you! Yikes! People are 'different' here from the rest of the world. As a foreigner here, you learn quickly that Finns are silent & some would rather be left alone, and you learn to become a Finn too. It's weird. It's weird. But I think I found my real self in Peru, so I should be OK now. ;-) You'll find your real self in your own time. It's somewhere out there.
Post a Comment
<< Home