Catharsis

In case you hadn't realised, I had been dumped by the SO. Hence the melodramatic postings.

Today we met and did the stuff-swap and had the de-brief. I'm glad we did because one of the things that tormented me about The Finn was that I never knew why.

I feel quite good now. Not necessarily because I know why but because I know that there is someone more dysfunctional than me. This is not just the words of a woman scorned, it's a simple fact. The SO was not the man for me. In fact, I'm not sure he makes a good friend. It's a little odd.

Of course it's startling to discover this about someone who is first and foremost a friend. But there are things he said to me that make me think "I don't value those qualities in a person."

Committment phobia is one thing, and it's inherent on male chromosome. But laziness and inability to accept any responsibility are not great qualities. Being able to say outloud that you want an easy route, even if it's with someone you don't care about, that's not a nice trait.

I personally feel that by giving a lot of myself I get great feelings back. Sure there's a risk of pain, but it's a risk I am willing to take. What is life if it's not lived to the fullest? Or at least to a good extent. Being afraid to risk, feel or exert is not living. It's existing. It's not the life I want.

By the end of it all, I felt more sorry for him in the long term.

Later that night, I went out with a mutual friend and it helped to speak to someone who knew him and could imagine the whole thing happening. I'm going to sleep a little easier tonight knowing it's not just me. I think I'll be able to play something other than Baroque and Gothic tonight...

Photo above from park behind train station. First time I had seen the carving was today.