Tube

"Would you like me to levitate to make more space for you?" a dyed-redhead mutters sarcastically underbreath to a tough-maybe-an-extra-in-Bad Girls-Jamaican woman .

Even though we're packed in the tube carriage jowl-to-jowl, BadGirl finds enough space to turn around and stare down Red.

Being England, being London, being commuters, we all look away, and stare into space, close our eyes in pretense of sleep, or for the really determined, pretend to read a folded corner of the paper.

I'm very tempted to make a comment about how only people working in emergency services need to push their way onto the tube in the first place when there is another along in three minutes but I resist Black Girl is looking at us all, eager for a challenge and I've seen commuters step over a prostrate body on the platform before.

And you get to pay eight pounds a month for this pleasure. Cheaper than a ticket to the amusement park...