Friendship

I admire people who are brilliant friends. One of the Partridge family takes text messages and phone calls at all hours of the night for a friend of hers who is going through a crisis. She is there for everyone and never stops comforting however much it wears her down. She also takes a good deal of text messages from me and phone calls about a range of inane things.

I on the other hand, drop my friends far too quickly by assuming that no news is good news. Scattered across the globe and removed by distance, time and experience, I use this as an excuse and offer them this blog to keep in touch. But it's a one way medium. Even last year, when my phone scrolled awkwardly past the names of more and more deceased, I failed at my vow to tell people how much they mean to me more regularly and to be a better friend.

So I was disappointed in myself and distraught to hear the voice of a much loved friend, who is a shadow of her gorgeous self, who I left to carry her own load, whose silence I took as "no news good news" but from my own experience know means "too busy too tired too fraught".

Myself, I have taken time out to arrange my life a little better, to balance out the various jobs I am juggling, to re-prioritise, to fit in time to exercise and those little treats like movies alone, walks alone... but I realised I didn't fit in time for my friends in that... At the start of my thirties, I've only just come to realise the importance and value of romantic relationships. Having wild and romantic crushes from age seven, I've at least had motivation to work on the importance of relationships. But living in three countries in the first three years of my life, travelling and schooling on the road and moving house at least every 18 months has built in the ability to not "need" play companions from an early age. But as an adult, I love and would die for my friends. I'm just a bit shit at showing them that on a daily basis.

Love you all arkadas, ystavan, amis, uma.