Coulda, shoulda, won't do

For someone who spent the good part of the Christmas period motivating tens of unlikely and disparate people to deliver tailored learning and social activities to some of London's most socially excluded people, I now find myself having a hard time finding the will or interest to get out of bed in the morning.

I'm hoping this is some sort of post-Mexico time zone malaise but it's taken fairly desperate proportions. For example, when I can be bothered to make toast (the first meal of the day, around about 4pm), I do, but can't be bothered to put the margarine back in the fridge. It's a conscious protest against doing.

I can't be bothered to finish designing a book cover I'm doing, even though it would result in financial gains, and I can't be bothered invoicing for Mexico. This from a girl who barely has enough money to renew her bus card.

I could be bothered going back to bed with the Sunday papers that a lovely chap brought back from England for me.

This apathy could be for any number of reasons. I could use the excuse that I am burnt out from freelancing and event work but that's wearing fairly lame. I could feel hostage to the situation around me so I don't feel the need to work against it but merely bob along in the direction the murky river of life is taking me. I could also claim to feeling directionless and without purpose or motivation since arriving back here, having had very clear goals for the last five months of event work. I could also pay heed to having lost that shining light we humans like to fall back on, the SO, for a path to follow when we're tired of forging our own.

But I think more than likely it's because I have become a lazy git.