News flash

Double Tragedy Stuns Rally World

For immediate release Friday, August 05, 2005

Rally volunteers made a gruesome discovery at Neste Rally Finland this morning when two media officials were found in a near death state in the rally's accreditation center yesterday morning (Thursday, all day).

Press Officer ‘Bean’ Koivukari and ‘Bena’ Harding were found at seven am, with massive asphyxiation resulting from entanglement with corded devices.

Koivokari, 32 or 24, depending on who's asking, from Rauma, was attached to a lanyard with one end round her neck and the other in a high locker.

Harding, 30 but doing 24, from Australia, had managed to entangle herself in her laptop lock, the chain of which was attached to a large sofa.

Both women lacked the common sense and energy to remove themselves from the situation and chose instead to dangle off their respective cords, laughing hysterically and finally confessing to each other "It's more than a rally... but my pulse is not racing."

It's yet to be determined whether the women will suffer permanent damage as a result of the accidents, though doctors have reported that the hysterical laughter and idiotic mistakes have not stopped since. Medical reports also confirm that they are suspicious of medical staff and keep demanding firemen instead.

Police are not treating the incidents as suspicious, simply because the two media professionals are not as interested in police men.

For more information:
wwww.womeninneedofaginandtonic.com

Notes for Editors:
1. Women in Need of a Gin and Tonic is a charitable organization that seeks to provide both moral and alcoholic support to females in the media profession.
2. Donations are accepted.